Saturday, September 26, 2009

I Used To

This might yet sound like another emo post that i used to post, yea used to again, and i realized that I am like no longer the "used to be" me. If you don't get what i say then it's okay it's alright, i am full of crap, remember?

I am "used to be" a lot of thing and characters which i don't find myself having it now. I used to wake up super early in the morning and i love mornings, now i wake up as late as i can and i hate mornings now. I used to not eat breakfast even though i would wake up early cause it is like a habit, now I must eat as soon as i get up which is already mid morning and early afternoon so it is brunch that i have everyday now. I used to LOVE babies and kids but now i find them super farking annoying and you know how they used to say that the lady's genes will become more motherly as they aged, i think i have a reversed mentally ill genes wtf.

I used to love jogging alone or with my mum and now i found out that i am neither capable to jog nor find it anymore interesting to go jogging with mum, i wonder why. I used to eat loads of candies in a day and my favorite time of the year is Halloween cause they have Trick or Treat but since Malaysia don't celebrate Halloween, Christmas is the nearest i can get my teeth to loads of candies and now i just feel like puking at the sight of A candy. I saw a truck load of bubblegum today and i feel nausea wtf. I used to be super active in sports, but now i am way too lazy to even get away from the laptop to make myself a meal.

*catches breath*

... so where was i?

Oh yea, let's continue with the "I used to" and it will get bored up ahead so yea~
I even used to sing a lot while bathing in the bathroom and then wonder whether would my neighbours hear me cause i don't only sing, i PRACTICALLY yell at the top of my lungs wtf but now i don't even make a hum when i bathe and comes out 10 minutes when i used to be in there for a good whole 30 minutes. Whenever i have holidays, i used to make plans to go out like 3 months before the holidays just to make sure that everything is all confirmed and no one backs out but all I ever do now is to pretend i did not listen to any of the plans that my friends made and secretly hope that they would count me out or just blardy hell forget about my existence.

There this one thing that i am very "used to be" last time and that is to talk to my mum about everything but i find it difficult now to even ask her a question cause what ever she utters either irks me or i find it a nonsense and wished deep down my heart that i should not ask her in the first place. Sometimes i feel that it is a waste of my time talking to her. Sigh~
I used to love her company and i used to love shopping with her but now i LOVE shopping myself, watching movies myself and i even like eating all by myself!

I really don't know who i am anymore cause i am so much of "used to be" and now that i lost all my "used to be", i can't find the real me anymore. Sometimes when my mind is sane, i would think that this is all part of growing up and this is what happens when a child is leaving from childhood to teens and now an adult. If that is so, can i stay being a teen forever? I really want to get back to the 17 years old me where everything seemed so right but it everything seemed so wrong too, nevertheless, i was happy and joyful. Unlike now, I don't even know what i want to craved on my face, so a gloom is all i hold on to this days. Likdis (-.-) wtf.

p/s: don't leave "You're Jackie Chan" this comment else i stick up a 6 feet pole up your arse!xD


YULI said...

wishing you all the best :)

Victoria said...

YULI: thanks and thanks for reading my rants. hahaha

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