Sunday, April 26, 2009

Do I?

#46:26/04/09



What do you treat me as?
No doubt, knowing you has been the most great opportunity i can get and i was asking no more than FRIENDS. Getting more and more of you as the extra daily dose in my life's spices has totally changed the way i live life and my life will surely change, if not a lot then a little and that makes much difference too.

You were there for me when i thought that no one will be there for me anymore. You were there for me when i thought all had moved on and i was the only one left behind screaming "Hey wait for me!". You and yes, only YOU was there to cheer me up and be there for me when i feel that the whole world is closing on me, when i thought all are turning their backs on me, when i thought i will cry silently alone. Yes, YOU were there for me even though you have never ever see me. How can that be? Why would you spend so much time on someone you never could possibly meet EVER! Why?

Earlier on, you really gave me the thought that i was just a substitute of your loss. A freaking fucking SUBSTITUTE! what turf~ so i rest on that and dare not to move on. FRIENDS is okay for me. Later on, you begun to show it. I don't know it cause i don't want to think about it. I don't want to care. I just don't want to know. Cause reality hurts, reality is like a slap to my face. I hate reality and now i.. I don't know what i feel for you now. I was a noob for not realizing it, actually i KNOW but i choose to ignore and i choose to resist myself from admitting what i think i am feeling for you. I want you to do it, to say it, to carry it out FIRST. It must come from you and the result from me but even so, i think the result will definitely be a jolly one cause after a while, i think i know what i want.

People tend to say "Grass are greener on the other side of the world" and i think i have to agree on that now cause i think i finally found someone, and that someone is YOU!

Do you know, I actually missed talking to you? I miss the lame jokes you do. I miss the bully thing you do to me and then the sayang-ing back. I miss the time you spent talking to me on the phone, big sacrifice yes and i think i don't mind it now cause i think i am immune to it. I miss your accent. I miss the sound of the wind that bothers us talking on the phone. I miss your huffing sound while you climb the mountain and talking to me. I was in doubtly sad when i know you suddenly had a change of plans and making me unable to see you. I really want to see you in person but i feel jiggy and giddy cause you might think that i am not what you think i were, i am scared that you will depise me. I am bad at expressing myself to you when you asked me cause this is how i am but deep down inside i really want to scream "I LIKE YOU" cause i am not sure about LOVE. What is love anyway?

I really hope when you are all done with your things that you would come here and read all this that i wanted to tell you all along but no guts to do so. Till this day i still don't get what you really want and so i don't get what i really feel. But all those were what u feel up till today and i think i had fall for you.

XOXO.

4 comments:

~ ♥ J E SS I C A . T said...

hey sweetie

things like this happen all the time. u know wot? u shud watch 'he's just not into you'.

it's a rlly sweet n romantic movie that will rlly make u learn alot. well, it made me see and think deeper into the word love and relationships.

*hugss mui*
u'll be alright

Voxy said...

Aww jie*huggies*

Yea, i did not get to watch that movie so i think i shall resort into DVDs! LOL~

Hm~ i also don't know! Hahaha
*hugs jie*

fluotone said...

o_O awesomely sweet post.. shuks!

Voxy said...

Floutone::sarcasm again huh??*sigh*

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